


I was lost, but now I am found

by Replica_of_Divinity



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fluff, Forgiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-31
Updated: 2018-12-31
Packaged: 2019-10-01 12:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17244197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Replica_of_Divinity/pseuds/Replica_of_Divinity
Summary: He didn't hope, there was no point...





	I was lost, but now I am found

**Author's Note:**

> You may recognize this piece as it had been posted to tumblr at some point, but i deleted that blog for various reasons.

They could remember being in his mind and he could remember being in theirs. It was like there was a ghostly imprint inside of each of them of the other.

He could remember how happy they were to have him, how desperately they wanted to help…to just make him happy…and yet he pushed them away. He pushed them away because he felt violated, his space and mind invaded when he didn’t want it. Because it was like every other aspect of his life but ten times more personal. But also because he didn’t understand, he didn’t understand how they could  _care_. If they were so privy to his innermost demons couldn’t they see he wasn’t worth the trouble? And even without that there was glaring outside evidence that he was a  _monster_.

 

How could they be so close to him…. _and seemingly love him more than when they were on the outside?_

And if it weren’t for millions of years of being who he was, being treated the way he has been, he would most likely find himself hoping, hoping that he could have that again; to do it right. Even if it wasn’t the same as before, it would be fine.

Just to have someone who actually cared. Someone who wanted to help, wanted to understand, even if they fumbled, even if it took time.

But those millions of years were still there, of being cold and distant because he wasn’t given the chance to be anything else. Billions of days stacked onto each other of people alienating him because he did what they told him to do,  _because he filled his function,_  he made the choices no one else wanted to make. And then they told him he was a monster.

 

For all that people saw a mech in control, a mech who was reaching for power, he had none and only wanted for the power to have the control he’d  _never_   _be able to have_ ;  ** _because he filled his function._**

So he didn’t hope. He didn’t hope when he saw them again. He didn’t hope as he stepped closer, absolutely didn’t hope that the words coming out of his mouth would somehow help.

Didn’t hope when Scavenger smiled warmly.

Didn’t hope when Bonecrusher patted him on the shoulder.

He didn’t hope.

He didn’t hope when they took him home, chattering softly, confessions and questions and bits and pieces of the things he’d missed.

He didn’t hope when they invited themselves in and he found he didn’t think it annoying, not when they wandered around helping him clean, not when they decided he needed to rest.

He didn’t hope when he found himself in a massive mech pile on the floor, pillows and blankets strewn about and the sounds of 7 happily purring engines filling the air.

He didn’t hope.

_Because he didn’t need to anymore._


End file.
